Monday, January 17, 2011

The man I love.

Because the way we kiss is better than any drug,
Because when I’m with you, I believe in love.

"Love is a maybe thing, you know when you love someone."-Oh how true that saying is. I remember my 9th grade high school year, that's where I met the love of my life. I met him at the same place that I ran into him 7 years later. There was a lot of drama with our relationship many years ago, but now it's better than ever. After 7 years of hoping and waiting, it finally happened. After we dated my 9th grade year we continued to stay friends, but then started falling apart not to long after. We always stayed friends, but we were as close as we used to be. I came back in August of 2009 and started talking to him again, but nothing really happened. Come October of that year my life completely changed, something that wasn't much more then "hey, come see me so we can catch up" turned into more. You'd think after so many years things would change, and feelings would be gone but they weren't. Everything came back within seconds. October 7th 2009, I finally got the one thing I waited for Darren. He was everything I could ever ask for and more. He helped me discover what love really was. We almost started a family in January of 2010, but it just wasn't our time, but that didn't get our hopes down. In March of 2010, we decided it was time for him and I to move in and start a family together. A couple days I took a pregnancy test, and that's when our life became complete. On May 15th 2010 the love of my life asked me to marry him, which was one of the greatest days of my life. How could someone so amazing want to marry me, of all people? Still to this day I don't have a clue. We were going to plan a wedding in July but we decided we didn't want to wait. I always wanted a wedding on Halloween because it's my favorite holiday, but I never told Darren. I told him to decide on the day to do it, and he picked Halloween (which proves we're meant to be together <3). Not even a month later we had our son, which made me fall even more in love with Darren. I know our relationship isn't perfect but we work hard at what we do. He's the love of my life and none of that will never change. The love that I feel for him can't be put into words. I thank God everyday that I have him into my life, because I would be nothing without him. Maybe one day I'll be able to show him how much he means to me, and how much I love him. :) However, I know he'll be reading this, so I love you babe more than i'll ever even being to try and explain.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

I got lost in this old world and forgot who I am.

The most famous question is who I am, or who I was. I remember who I was, does that change who I am now? I'm a full time mom, and wife. All I do, I do for them. I can't remember the last time I thought about me, or what I wanted. I don't remember what my favorite things are, what I really enjoyed doing, or even the friends that swore they'd always be there. Sort of feels like amnesia of things that was in my life not even a year ago. I can't remember the last time I seriously enjoyed just being "Meghan". I love my life as a mom or wife, but I don't remember my life as Meghan. I remember being 5 and becoming a sibling to my brother Brad. I remember all the dreams I had when I was a kid, none of which I've ever fulfilled. I used to want to be a writer, I remember being in Kindergarten and my Christmas break I asked my teacher for a writing pad so I could write her stories while I was gone. Where'd that kid go? The kid who didn't care about anything, just about what she could put on paper. I remember being 10 and watching my parents divorce. I think that's when all the dreams went away. What kid wants to dream when they're world is being ripped apart? Certainly not I. I remember moving so many times and losing everything that used to be important, guess I really don't need all that now huh? I guess that's why I just depended on myself because that was one thing I thought I couldn't lose, but turns out that's quite the opposite. I remember being in 10th grade, just turned 15. My dad remarried and I got two new siblings who happen to be girls and I can see all the dreams they had. We all become a family and turns out that the youngest girl wants to be just like me. I'm not a role model, but I knew who I was then. I gained another little brother who became my better half, he was everything I wanted to be. He was young, innocent, and carefree. Welcome to the real world, where none of that happens anymore. The life that I had wasn't easy, but then again I'm sure people had it worse than I did. I've always been determined to make something out of myself, but how can I make something out of myself if I still can't find who I am. I don't think people understand how easy it is to hide behind make up, fake smiles, or even fake laughs. It's easy to paint a happy life, or a happy person. It's easy to pretend the world is on your side, but what happens when everything begins to fall apart? I know the saying "God wouldn't give you more than what you can handle", but sometimes I wish He didn't trust me so much. Someday's I want to be that little girl who used to push boys around, play with barbie's, go to basketball games, be a daddy's little girl, jump on the bed even when I knew better, pick on my brother as he grows up, pushed all my chores off so I can go play with my friends, and at the end of the day remember exactly who I was. I know i'm 21 with no college education, I work 40 hours a week sometimes m ore, I'm a mom at every beck and call to a two month old, and i'm a wife who makes sure the house is clean and her husband is content and happy at anytime. Now that i'm a mother and a wife, I stopped thinking about who I was, and who I wanted to be. Case in point where we ran into this problem of trying to remember who I was. I was confident and secure in who I was, funny how things like that can change. I'm now insecure with no self-confidence. I used to think everything I did was excellent by all standards, now I feel like everything I do is nothing to everyone. I always put myself first, and now i'm dead last. I used to respect myself and have everyone respect me, and it seems as if that means nothing to anyone anymore. It feels as if everyone comes together and says "lets just walk all over her, we know the shape she's in". I just want someone to think about me first, put what I need and want aside from all the things they want. I just want to find myself again, because it feels as if that person has permanently gone away and i'm stuck trying to find all the pieces. Maybe eventually i'll remember who I am, until then I'm still mommy and wife and that's what I've got to be.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

"& tell daddy we'll be okay, he said he sure misses you."

We all have a reason to live, you are mine.

I remember moving into our new apartment, trying to get life settled being just Darren and I. Little did I know, our lives were gonna change again, and this time it was going to work out for the both of us. I remember having my best friend come over to our new house to help me get stuff situated, and then we decided to take a break. We drove to target and did a little shopping, snacks, drinks and a pregnancy test. I could have swore the lady looked at me wondering why I had any questions. About 20 minutes after our shopping trip, I took the test as anxious as one person could be. I couldn't stand in the bathroom with all the anxiety, so I took a walk and grabbed Zero, my first baby. :) I put him on the counter as the results came up. It was official, God blessed me with a child. I yelled for Ash as she came around the corner my face said it all. We laughed and smiled the whole time. I even think I cried a little. I remember sending Darren a text message and he instantly knew. It wasn't to much longer we ended up at the doctor to see how our little baby was doing. Everyone became so excited, it was finally going to happen to us. We got the crib and little odds and ends until we found out what we were having. I always wanted a little boy first, and come to find out Darren wanted a little girl. We went to the doctor to find out and they said "it's a boy"! :) I've never been so excited in my life, my little miracle was growing as expected. We went and showed him off letting everyone know. We even picked out his godparents that day, Eric and Lisa. I was so overjoyed thinking about all the things my life would have in store for us. Darren was the proudest father you could have ever seen. As little man grew, the more our house became full of baby stuff. The more excited we got, the better life got. We started feeling little man move, and then we started to see it. The doctors enjoyed every chance they got with Gavin. Towards the end of my pregnancy, we knew it was just about time. I went two days over my due date before they decided to induce me. Imagine hearing that you go to get an ultrasound and 5 minutes later your being induced. There was no time to be nervous. I got a hold of Darren and told him it was time, and that I needed him. It was a long process, and a long day for everyone. Everyone showed up very early in the morning and stayed around to see Gavin finally be born. At 6:44pm, Darren and I's life was officially complete by hearing a tiny little laugh. All we could do was cry and smile. He had us at that point. I'll never forget what a miracle I have. I'm so lucky everyday for the amazing family that I have been given. My little miracle teaches me more and more everyday and I love him more everyday that passes.

"When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am."

My name is Meghan, I'm a full time wife, mother, and employee. I got married to my soul mate who happens to be my best friend of seven years, Darren. I'm absolutely in love. We have one beautiful son named Gavin, who is my whole entire world. I'm a customer care rep at a cell phone company, which i'm very lucky to have such amazing co-workers. <3

I'm not what most people who see me would say I am. I'm confrontational, rude, loud and mostly obnoxious. I don't do what I should half the time and I put stuff off as long as possible. I always speak my mind which always gets me in some kind of trouble. However, I'm full of nothing but love. I defend what's mine and I don't settle until the problem is solved. I'm definitely a shit talker, it's the best and worst part of me. I'm compassionate, forgiving, and understanding. I will forgive you, but I can't forget what you've done to me. I used to do what only made me happy, and i'm learning I can't do that anymore. I'm nothing but spoiled, it's just the way I am. I don't hide who I am. Either you can except me, or not that's up to you.<3